Update

it has been one crazy ride the last few weeks, so i apologize once again for neglecting my blog. here's what's new in the martin house of madness....

i've officially been working in my new school for 3 weeks and i couldn't be happier. it's a whole new world. the people i work with are fabulous, i'm treated like a professional, and the kids are phenomenal. you know you've made the right decision when you are supposed to be having a meeting with some of the members of your department on your off period, and they take you to a mexican restaurant for lunch. that's right...i actually got to leave campus for lunch without having to sneak out, sign a sheet saying what time i'm leaving, where i'm going, what time i'll be back or needing an act of congress. it has truly been refreshing and i have once again regained my passion for teaching. granted it's only been a couple of weeks, but i am so thankful to be a part of such a wonderful system.

along those lines...we currently have about 10% of our student body out with the swine flu, and guess what lucky individual fell victim to this lovely illness...yours truly. yes i had the swine flu and while i did not grow a tail or pig ears, it did have me grunting in misery for about 5 days. let me also say that while most people would disagree with me, i think tamiflu is the devil. the side effects i had from this medicine quite possibly rivaled the illness itself. i won't go into the details as i do not want to scare any of you, but let's just say it was bad and i'm happy that whole mess is behind me. i'm hoping as we move into the cooler months that we will see the swine flu disappear.

we are getting to the final stages of the all the paper work we have to do for the adoption process. we received our background checks and, believe it or not, the FBI deemed shane suitable for adoption. guess they didn't find out about all his shenanigans as a frat boy. whew...that was a close one!! just kidding mom! now all we really lack is getting our physicals and health forms done. the unfortunate part about that is apparently the blood work and some of the tests we have to have done are not covered by our insurance and will subsequently cost us around $700. that is unless we can find a doctor willing to sign off for us that we do not have HIV or any random STD. ugh!! i just try to look at it as one more part of the journey.

it seems as though the closer we get to being eligible for adoption the more our desire to be parents is increasing. truly it has begun to consume our thoughts, our conversations and is constantly on our minds and hearts. in fact, we had a baptism a couple of weeks ago at church and i just lost it. right there in the middle of church i began to cry because my longing to be a mother has become painfully overwhelming. there are some issues with this feelings, however. eligibility does not mean we are going to have a child in a few months or even a few years. this process could drag on and on for who knows how long. secondly, and more importantly, why, why can i not seem to simply wait on the Lord when it comes to this situation?

i give waiting on the Lord lip service, i've even written blogs about it, but if i'm honest with myself i have to admit that when it comes to this i'm being extraordinarily impatient. even though i know my feelings are ridiculous and that having things my way will only bring pain and chaos, the desire a woman has to be a mother is a powerful thing. i never understood this power and how it controls the mind, the heart and the soul until now. Lord, i just ask forgiveness and peace for both myself and others that i know are sharing in this struggle with me. strengthen our faith and our resolve. let us count this journey you are taking us on as pure joy. take our desires and focus them on You and Your glory.

well...i believe that is all i have in the way of updates for now. i apologize for the length of the post. i hope some of you actually made it all the way through my ramblings.

peace and love.