"...Time on My Hands and Hope in My Heart."

with the adoption process progressing at a steady pace towards our approval and the subsequent showing of our profile to birth mothers, i am getting more and more eager to have our child. i'm realizing this is both good and bad. i am so afraid that by wishing the moments away until our child is forever with us that i am going to miss what God is doing in my life during this process. this is truly a spiritual journey. a journey, by definition, is not something that one walks through quickly and reaches the end unchanged. i am convicted that the adoption of this child is not just about the end result of actually having the child in my arms. it's about what God is going to do in my life, in shane's life during the process that is the key to all of this.

He is going to test our faith. He is going to expose our weaknesses and shortcomings both as individuals and in our marriage. He is then going to take our faith and strengthen it because we know He has already chosen a child for us and they are worth waiting for. He will take our weaknesses and shortcomings and heal and transform us with the power of His grace. this process will serve to remind us that the Father is moving in our lives and He is going to do amazing things. i really need to slow down because i certainly don't want to miss watching His hand move in my life daily. that is why the line from the sugarland song, april showers is the title for this post. i have time on my hands and hope in my heart for what the Lord is going to do in my life and the lives of my husband and my child. i'm going to post the lyrics to the rest of the song because it is a good representation of the feelings of my heart for my child and the journey the Lord has in store for the both of us.

Looking for an angel in these hills

Looking for a map to find what we left behind

Knowing that we will

Always end up right where we start

Cause I got time on my hands and hope in my heart

We both understand we weren't meant to be apart

April showers bring May flowers

I have seen rain before

But if Sunday morning lets that sun in

What are we waiting for

Cause love leaves an open door

If I had one wish I'd wish for two

One for me, baby, and one for you

It would find you right where you are

With time on your hands and hope in your heart

We both understand we were written in the stars

April showers bring May flowers

I have seen rain before

But if Sunday morning lets that sun in

What are we waiting for

Cause love leaves an open door

It's worth all the cost

Til I find what I lost in your eyes

And you realize

April showers bring May flowers

We have seen rain before

But if Sunday morning lets that sun in

What are we waiting for

Cause love leaves an open

Wishing and hoping

Love leaves an open door

it is important for me also to realize that it is not just about what the Lord is doing in my life, but also what He is doing in the life of the birth mother that will have to make a decision that is beyond anything my weak mind and heart can comprehend. the faith that she will exhibit both in the Father and in us humbles me and brings me to my knees. the depth and the weight of her journey is far more difficult than mine and she will need to rely heavily on our Father's love and the peace that only He can give. He is working in her life at this very moment. the plan He is creating for all of us, the way He will weave our lives together to create something so meaningful, so beautiful and such the picture of the gospel is almost more than my sinful heart can take. He is so awesome and so gracious and His will for all our lives is so worth waiting for and i know He will use this journey to change each of us forever. i for one will praise His name everyday for it and i know i will be in awe of the beauty He creates in my life, shane's life, the birth mother's life and the child's life each day during this process.

oh thank you holy Father for your graciousness towards us and for convicting me to slow down and watch your mighty hand move in all our lives. it will be worth every minute it takes.

peace and love to the birth mother and our child...wherever you both are.

Intolerance to Tolerance

i was reading a friend's status update on facebook today and was a little concerned and admittedly a little vexed. in short, the status update indicated that he believes, and is proclaiming that all christians and their beliefs are intolerant. first, i thought isn't your intolerance of christian beliefs, in fact intolerant, thereby leaving you guilty of the same sin you accuse us of, but i digress...

what really burdened my heart about that comment, was a question that continued to recur in my head...why should i be tolerant to someone's behavior when it can cause them pain and hardship in life and could potentially separate them from Christ eternally? i'm sorry, but if i truly care about the human soul, then my intolerance towards unbiblical behavior can not be divorced from how i deal with the culture at large. if i am tolerant to those behaviors then i am saying that i don't care about what happens to them in this life and in the next, and that is simply not how i feel.

when i have a child i will not tolerate any dangerous behavior because i LOVE them, not because i HATE them. to me that is really the crux of my issue with this person's comment. he assumes that not tolerating certain lifestyles or behaviors comes from hate and not love, and that is simply not the case with those that are true followers of Christ. those of us who have been saved and are gripped by God's unending and protective grace want to share it with others because we have love in our hearts for others. i think it is also important to mention that i do not have to tolerate someones lifestyle and choices to still love that person. again...love that person regardless of the sin. this is what Christ does for all of us and our hearts are called to similar action.

i have someone in my life that is an alcoholic. i am unashamedly intolerant to this behavior, but i still love this person and pray heavily for them. i am seriously and adamantly intolerant to actions that would end the life of an unborn child, but i still love the person that believed she did not have any other choice. likewise, i am intolerant of someone who would blow up an abortion clinic in the name of religion. it is true that many people have committed some heinous acts in the name of God, but i would assert that Christ and true followers of Him would not condone or tolerate those actions. perhaps it is these actions that have caused many of the lost to believe that our intolerance of certain behaviors comes from hate, and i for one will be praying about that.

because the Father burdens my heart for the human soul i will continue to be openly and boldly intolerant to behaviors that will be detrimental to people in life and more importantly prevent them from eternal salvation. i will express this intolerance in a spirit of my personal love for them and the love the Father has for them. in that spirit you can label me intolerant and i will wear that badge with pride.

peace and love.

Top 10 Things That For Whatever Reason Have Annoyed Me Lately

and they are...

1. mean people.
seriously...where have all the good people gone? it seems like everyone is mean and selfish these days. love is good!!!


2. when you let someone over into your lane and then they don't wave.
wave people...wave. it's called being polite. try it, you'll like it.


3. when someone has lost weight and you ask them..."what have you been doing?" and they reply, "nothing at all. it just began to happen."
yeah, right!


4. people talking over each other.
it's called a conversation. i know, it's an art... but listening to someone else talk can be done.


5. texting while driving.
admittedly i have done this but really y'all, it's a very bad idea.


6. people who say things like "well those of us who actually work for a living..." to teachers.
see previous blog.


7. using the word love for everything.
we need a new word...it has lost it's true sense.

8. political correctness
while i don't believe we should be out there offending people right and left, let's just make sure that we are being equitable in our accusations shall we?


9. men who leave the toilet seat up.
no, this isn't about shane. it is about men leaving the toilet seat up in a teacher bathroom that a majority of women use. i know your mama taught you better than that. again...it's called manners.


10. t.v.
everything on tv resembles a doctor who solves crimes while having multiple partners, and blows up a nitroglycerin plant because aliens with alternative lifestyles are living there and are attempting to eradicate all human life because of over indulged rich kids who are highly involved in a plethora of gratuitous acts, including trapping people in some dark filthy place and wanting to perform some disgusting and scary acts that want to make us all throw up and will guarantee that we won't sleep for weeks. now THAT is entertainment!! seriously, someone pass me some tylenol and a book please!!

don't be afraid to shout out things that are currently annoying you. purging is a good thing.


and don't worry, i'm going to go pray now because i can only imagine the things that i do that annoy others and that are not pleasing to God. needless to say i'm thankful for Jesus!!

peace and love.

"Love Is All You Need"

"all you need is love, love...love is all you need."

shane and i celebrated our 5th anniversary this year. it has been a wonderful 5 years! even during the "rough" patches i am so thankful that the Lord allowed me to marry my soul mate. shane is truly my other half and the Father has blessed our marriage more than i can express in words.

happy anniversary my beloved.
"...i have found the one whom my soul loves." Song of Songs 3:4

peace and true love.