Confessions

"therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed." James 5:16

this post is going to be a difficult one for me, however, this verse has been replaying in my mind for some time now. confessing ones sins is not an easy thing to do in our private time with God much less with other humans who, in some cases, can be judgemental. a while back our pastor discussed confessing our sins to one another. since then it is something that i have tried to do humbly and honestly with shane mostly. however, as of late i realized that is the easy way out. shane took vows with me and i know without a doubt never judges or betrays my spiritual shortcomings. after having this verse continue to find its way into my thoughts and also listening to my friend kevin talk about the importance of not "playing church" and posing as though we have our acts together because we are christians, i feel the need to confess my sins and ask for those who are willing to pray for me. this is obviously going to be a long post so feel free to read some, all or none of this post.

gossip. while i could blame this on the hen house that work can become, i allow myself to become a part of it and therefore it is something i need to repent for. just as James warns my tongue is a very foul and disgusting part of me and i wish with all my heart i could do a better job of controlling that evil thing. even though i know what i am doing is damaging in both an humanly and spiritual way, i find myself engaging in it often.

anger. ire in certain circumstances is permissible, however, typically my anger does not stem from those situations. i allow myself to generate anger because of my own selfishness (another sin) and instead of acting appropriately when this human emotion occurs, i can react with a hatefulness that is shameful. i can also hold onto this anger which creates another road block in my spiritual life.

false fronts/exaggerations. as ashamed as i am to admit it, i am not truly a humble person who is devoid of a desire to be recognized and praised. while i like to say i don't want those things, i do. i also some times implore exaggerations to lift myself up rather than exuding the perfect integrity Christ compels me to. in fact i am trying to be very careful that my intentions for writing these confessions does not become corrupted and become a means of selfish promotion.

comfort zone. i often say that i love others and i do, but only when, how and where i want to love them. truly, i don't want to love people if it is outside my comfort zone. it is really hard for me to go to extremes to show God's love to others. as of late i have been asking the Lord to move me from my idleness and to give me the boldness in Him that i lack.

disbelief. while i am confidently a believer of Christ, i am sometimes not a believer in Christ. for example, i some times carry the weight of my sins not to mention earthly burdens around with me constantly. with this i am really saying that God's love is not enough; God's power is not enough; God's grace is not enough. while i know that God's grace cleanses all my sins, i often can't let it go which demonstrates my disbelief in His transforming grace. this is the sin that hurts my heart the most. God freely pours His grace out upon me and yet i still don't completely accept or understand it.

while these are only a few of the multitude of sins i commit on a daily basis, they are the ones i struggle with the most. i ask that if you are still reading this that you pray for me. i am a horrible sinner who doesn't deserve it, but i need it all the same. please ask God to open my mind and my heart to Him and to break my heart for His cause and His kingdom. thanks for listening.

peace and love